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6/20/07 02:45 am - I can't wait to get home and blog about this shit.

I'd like to clear the air and tame my persistently nagging conscious:
Nothing feels forced. It's all over and all beginning and, unfortunately, all living creatures are just about ready to explode with excitement for what's coming up next.

Maybe I'm just happy that the flood gates have finally burst. That always makes for good dinner conversation. And this recurring dream is driving me mad.
I'm glad everything is starting to come together, as it should. May I be so bold as to say, "come together"? Hm.

It's easy to go on pretending that everything means nothing to me. But that's not at all true. Smile big. Lest I recall the last few weeks of my life. I'd bore you to tears with tales of long walks, temporary tattoos, late night conversations, haunted bridges, new friends, and familiar companions.

In the face of such abounding joy, I've also learned that there is never any good time for bad things to happen. Sure, it was a crushing blow. It fucking hurts. It's not a crime to admit. I know it's natural and I'm still trying to figure out what's the best way to recover gracefully.

As for the events of June 19th, everything was delightful.
Tonight, as the third installment of the Jude Law/Johnny Depp-A-Thon came to a close, I racked my brain and did a little reminiscing.

Four years ago, sitting in her basement eager to start this sappy tradition of mediocre films and junk food. The lineup included Alfie, Secret Window, Sleepy Hollow, and Music from Another Room. We were giggly girls that couldn't wait to spend twenty dollars on a Dairy Queen ice cream cake. Our second gathering took place in that basement again. And tonight, here we are, number three. A bond that has lasted all through school. We've all gotten busier and grown apart, I fear. Each of us tending to seemingly urgent phone calls and text messages from friends throughout the night. But we had our laughs.

The night ended after several hours of.. well.. Jude Law and Johnny Depp. Classic pick such as Edward Scissorhands never fails to deliver. I trudged to my car, wet swim suit in hand. I plopped in the driver's seat and, as usual, prayed to the DMV gods that this poor car would reanimate. I took a deep breath. Tonight was a celebration of friendship and chiseled jaw lines. These intimate gatherings are absolutely necessary to me.

I made my way home across river, over those never ending highways.

I rarely listen to Danielson. As I was driving into the country, I decided I would officially integrate them into my daily playlist. This song was so good; I was nearly lost in every tinny word. It took me a few moments to realize the twirling bright blue and red flashing lights in my rear view mirror were summoning me. My first instinct was to hide my iPod under the seat. Hide the iPod. Hide the iPod. My palms become too sweaty and I couldn't untangle my earbuds from my seat belt in time. Come on officer, I'm not breaking curfew. I'm coming home four hours earlier than I usually do. When the man in tan walked to my window, I had the foggiest why he commanded me to pull to the side of the road-- on the driveway to the airport. That's usually where this cop runs his radar. That's usually the spot where I reduce my speed to the limit.

LONG ARM OF THE LAW: "Do you have any idea why I pulled you over?"
ME: "No." Never admit to fault. Oh, and always run from the cops. I guess I wasn't feeling too courageous tonight.
LONG ARM OF THE LAW: "You were speeding. Why were you going 67 in a 55?"
ME: "I need to be home by 12, sir." Well, if you aren't running from the Man, you've got to suck up. Drop as many "sir"s, "master"s, and "almighty"s as humanly possible.
LONG ARM OF THE LAW: "I won't write you a ticket. But the speed limit is there for a reason."
ME: "Thanks, sir."

I drove off thinking, "I should have made small talk with him. I should have made that worth his time."
I bet he would have enjoyed that Danielson song I was listening to. Actually, I thought that's why he pulled me over. Because I was illegally listening to music. I know in my heart of hearts there is a law against headphones and operating cars. But I really think he would have enjoyed that song.

The lessons learned from tonight-- it is not below Jude Law to shed tears on screen. And big brother is watching.
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